AE: ANECDOTES WITH INTENTION

When not deciding is already a bad decision...

"Sometimes I dream of a tree
and the tree was my life
one branch is the man I should marry
and the leaves, my children
Another branch is my future as a writer
and each leaf a poem.
Another branch is a gladdening
academic career
but while I am trying to choose
the leaves begin to turn brown
and blow away
until the tree is absolutely bare..."
(Sylvia Plath)

Culled from Anecdonet

Letter from Heaven


To my dearest family some things I'd like to say


But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay

I'm writing this from Heaven Here I dwell with God above

Here, there's no more tears of sadness Here is just eternal love


Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight

Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night


That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through God picked me up and hugged me and He said

"I welcome you It's good to have you back again you were missed while you were gone

As for your dearest family

They'll be here later on I need you here badly you're part of my plan

There's so much that we have to do to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things that He wished for me to do

And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you

And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to flight God and I are closest to you.... in the middle of the night

When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years

Because you are only human they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers unless there was some rain I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned If I were to tell you you wouldn't understand

But one thing is for certain though my life on earth is over I'm closer to you now than I ever was before
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too
That as you give unto the world the world will give to you If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain
Then you can say to God at night ......

"My day was not in vain."

And now I am contented.... that my life was worthwhile Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low Just lend a hand to pick him up as on your way you go

When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind I'm walking in your footsteps only a half a step behind And when it's time for you to go ....from that body to be free

Remember you're not going..... you're coming here to me.


Extracted from Anecdonet

A PIECE OF ADVICE


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

As they talked they were constantly interupted by people describing their health problems and asking the doctor for medical advice.

After an hour of this the doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

The lawyer replied, "I give them the advice, and then the next day I send them a bill for the advice. They pay the bill, and never ask me for advice outside the office again."

The doctor was shocked but decided to try it.

The next day while the doctor was preparing the new bills the postman pushed a letter through his letterbox.

The doctor opened the envelope and inside found a bill from the lawyer.

Source: Anecdonet

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love, Alison Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
-Anita Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
-Norma Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
-Neil Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
-Jane Dear GOD,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother.
-Darla Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
-Joyce Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend -- (But I am not going to tell you who I am) Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday?
I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
-Tom L. Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
-Bruce Dear GOD,
If we come back as something - please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
-Denise Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set.
-Raphael Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
-Danny Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
-Sam Dear GOD,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways.
-Dean Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
-Ruth M. Dear GOD,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying.
-Elliott Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
-Nan Dear GOD,
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.
-Rob Dear GOD,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they?
-Marsha Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
-Mickey D. Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
-Sincerely, Donna Dear GOD:
The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do.
-Eddie Dear GOD,
I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already.
-Charles Dear GOD,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool!
-Eugene

Source: Anecdonet

Pride by comparison

Big, Bigger, Biggest

There are still a few of the old mansions on the North Shore of Long Island outside of New York City that were the stuff of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby.

Although we certainly do not have one, we know a couple of the old families that do.

In fact, the patriarch of one such family (let's just call him Mr. Smith) is the godfather of my six-year old daughter.

He and his wife live in an elegant old brick mansion which my daughter has visited on a number of occasions.

Recently, my daughter and I paid a visit to a different woman (let's call her Mrs. Jones, who is at least 70 years of age) who lives in a beautiful mansion as well.

My daughter looked around in amazement and said to the woman "Wow, your house is bigger than the Smiths!'

Mrs. Jones quickly snapped back "Well I should hope so", proving once again that even the filthy rich have their competitive sides.

New York, NY


Anecdonet

Practicing each ones religion.


Why Go To Church

A churchgoer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.

I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons.

But for the life of me I can't remember a single one of them.

So I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor.

It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work.

If my wife had not given me those meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"
When you are DOWN to nothing . . .

God is UP to something!






Anecdonet: WHY TO GO TO CHURCH

Side by Side

They lie on the Table side by side

The Holy Bible and the TV guide

One is well worn and cherished with pride No not the Bible, but the TV guide.

As the pages are turned, what shall they see.

Oh, What does it matter turn on the TV So they open the book in which they confide

No not the Bible the TV guide.

The word of God is seldom read. Maybe a verse before they fall into bed.

Exhausted and sleept and tired as can be. Not from reading the Bible, from watching T.V.

So then back to the table side by side,

Lie the Holy Bible and the T.V. guide.

No time for prayer, no time for the word.

The plan of salvation is seldom heard.

But forgiveness of sin, so full and free, Is found in the Bible, not on the T.V.


Anecdonet

SUCCESS


A ‘slightly’ distorted view of the meaning of SUCCESS:
At age 3 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 18 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 90 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

FOR MORE ANECDOTES AND STORIES PRESS HERE

"A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!"
"Teenagers are people who act like babies if they're not treated like adults!"
"A college jock is someone who minds his build instead of vice versa!"


more astounding sentences of this re-known moron...

I recently had the opportunity to spend 12 months in China as teacher.
It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

Although the authorities took a strong line against any activity that might have been considered evangelizing, we were allowed to attend church and join in Mass with the local Christians.

The first time was the most memorable.

A Chinese friend agreed to take me into the Wuchang town center to the church. "Be ready at 6.30!" she said. "So Mass is at seven?" I asked.

"Oh no, Mass is at 9.30."

It turns out that in China, the good Christians are in the church at least two hours beforehand. When we arrived at church, it was almost full at 7.30.

Firstly, we practiced the hymns, not once but 12 or 15 times until everyone was word perfect!

Then there was the preliminary reading of the gospel and scriptures of the day, not just the actual passages, but some chapters before and after the passages, so that the congregation could understand the context.

Just before the Mass started, it was quiet recollection time.

I felt guilty recalling the times, I had swept into the church car park at five to nine and dived into a back pew in the nick of time!

When we arrived at the church there was a wall about 10 foot high all the way around, with just one narrow gateway.

More on GOING TO MASS IN CHINA

School Sex Ed

I was holding a notice from my 13-year-old son's school announcing a meeting to preview the new course in sexuality.

Parents could examine the curriculum and take part in an actual lesson presented exactly as it would be given to the students.

When I arrived at the school, I was surprised to discover only about a dozen parents there.

As we waited for the presentation, I thumbed through page after page of instructions in the prevention of pregnancy or disease.

I found abstinence mentioned only in passing.

When the teacher arrived with the school nurse, she asked if there were any questions.

I asked why abstinence did not play a noticeable part in the material.

What happened next was shocking.

IT CONTINUES

The Lord's Prayer


"Our Father which art in heaven."
--- Yes? Don't interrupt me. I'm praying
--- But you called me Called you? I didn't call you. I'm praying. "Our father which art in heaven."
--- There you did it again. Did what?
--- Called me. You said, "Our Father which art in heaven." Here I am. What's on your mind? But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done.
--- All right. Go on. "Hallowed be thy name."
--- Hold it. What do you mean by that? By what?
--- By "Hallowed be thy name?" It means... it means... Good grief, I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?
--- It means honored, holy, wonderful. Hey that makes sense. I never thought about what "hallowed" meant before.

(IT CONTINUES)

"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."
Mother Theresa.

America needs no words from me to see how your decision in Roe v. Wade has deformed a great nation. The so-called right to abortion has pitted mothers against their children and women against men. It has portrayed the greatest of gifts--a child--as a competitor, an intrusion, and an inconvenience.
Mother Theresa

There is even an acceptance of abortion, which is always, in addition to being an abominable crime (cf. Gaudium et spes, n. 51), a senseless impoverishment of the person and of society itself.
Pope John Paull II

Motherhood is sometimes presented as something backward or as a limitation of a woman's freedom, thus distorting its true nature and dignity. Children are presented not as what they are — a great gift of God — but rather as something to be defended against.
John Paul II - Cuba, January 1998

The priest is not and must not be a civil servant of the Church. Above all, the priest is a man who lives for the spirit, for God. This being the case, the Seminary is the place where he learns 'to be with Him.' "
John Paul II

I was a revolutionary when I was young and all my prayer to God was, "Lord, give me the energy to change the world." As I approached middle age and realized that half my life was gone without my changing a single soul, I changed my prayer to "Lord, give me the grace to change all those who come in contact with me. Just my family and friends, and I shall be satisfied." Now that I am old and my days are numbered, my one prayer is, "God, give me the grace to change myself." If I had prayed this right from the start I should not have wasted my life.

The Song of the Bird by Anthony de Mello

"Nothing emboldens the wicked so greatly as the lack of courage on the part of the good."
Pope Leo XIII, Sapientiae Christian, 1890

"Tell us straight that you do not believe in the Gospel of Christ; for you believe what you want in the Gospel and disbelieve what you want. You believe in yourself rather than in the Gospel."
St. Augustine

To lose ourselves in God is simply to give up our own will to Him.When a soul can truly say, "Lord, I have no other will than Thine," it is truly lost in God, and united to Him. -
St. Francis de Sales

We can do no great things; only small things with great love.
Mother Teresa


Some babies die by chance. No baby should die by choice We therefore grossly deceive ourselves in not allotting more time to the study of divine truths. It is not enough barely to believe them, and let our thoughts now and then glance upon them: that knowledge which shows us heaven, will not bring us to the possession of it, and will deserve punishments, not rewards, if it remain slight, weak, and superficial. By serious and frequent meditation it must be concocted, digested, and turned into the nourishment of our affections, before it can be powerful and operative enough to change them, and produce the necessary fruit in our lives. For this all the saints affected solitude and retreats from the noise and hurry of the world, as much as their circumstances allowed them.
-St. Apollinaris

Ignorance of scripture is ignorance of Christ
-- St. Jerome

The bread which you use is the bread of the hungry; the garment hanging in your wardrobe is the garment of him who is naked; the shoes you do not wear are the shoes of the one who is barefoot; the acts of charity that you do not perform are so many injustices that you commit.
-St. Basil

Mary was raised to the dignity of Mother of God rather for sinners than for the just, since Jesus Christ declares that he came to call not the just, but sinners.
-St. Anselm

The Little Hut


The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him,
and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a
little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions.
Then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the
sky.
The worst had happened -- everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger.
"God, how could you do this to me?" he cried.
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue
him.
"How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers.
"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
It's easy to get discouraged sometimes when things appear to be going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is
at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering.
Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God!

IT CONTINUES...

I AM THANKFUL:

FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT’S RESTAURANT / TANTALIZERS TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME, AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.


FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA WATCHING FOOTBAL
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BAR WITH OTHER CHICS.

FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.


FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM EMPLOYED .
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.

FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.


FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE

FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME


FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT ,CRISIS, PRESS AND JUDGE MALPRACTICES
BECAUSE IT MEANS WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .

FOR MY HUGE PHCN BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE LIGHT.

FOR THE LADY BEHIND ME IN CHURCH
WHO SINGS OFF KEY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I CAN HEAR.

FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.

FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.

FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.

AND I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE crazy people I work with
BECAUSE they make work interesting and fun!

AND FINALLY, FOR TOO MUCH E-MAIL

BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE FRIENDS WHO ARE
THINKING OF ME.
SEND THIS TO SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT.
I JUST DID.

Live well, Laugh often, & Love with all of your heart!

SOME GOOD ADVICE
This was written by the CEO of Coca-Cola Brian G. Dyson.

Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air.

You name them - Work - Family - Health - Friends - Spirit, and you're keeping all of these in the air.

You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four balls -- family, health, friends and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered.
They will never be the same. You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.


Continue to know

How?

There are some parents who do not approve of the life of a deformed child. They "indulge" it from suffering.
Here we have a real life story. A child who prefer to have no legs rather than not living at all...

Omayra Sanchez (the girl pictured) was 13 years old at the time and lived with her parents, her brother and an uncle. However, prior to the tragedy, her mother had traveled to Bogotá on business. Omayra could not escape and was trapped under her own home's concrete plaque and debris.

When rescue teams tried to help her, they realized that her legs were trapped. The only feasible option was to pull her out by breaking and ripping her legs off. Omayra remained strong until the last moment of her life. According to people who were by her side during those moments, the little girl wanted to live, saying her only worry was to go back to school.

The people who were trying to save her life begged the pilots of overflying helicopters to get a pump so the water could have been drained out. After two days a pump was delivered, but unfortunately it did not work properly and finally got stuck because of the mud and debris.

JOY IN THE JOURNEY




If you have ever been discouraged because of failure, please read on. For often, achieving what you set out to do is not the important thing.
Let me explain.

Two brothers decided to dig a deep hole behind their house.
As they were working, a couple of older boys stopped by to watch.
"What are you doing?" asked one of the visitors.
"We plan to dig a hole all the way through the earth!", one of the brothers volunteered excitedly.

The older boys began to laugh, telling the younger ones that digging a hole all the way through the earth was impossible.

After a long silence, one of the diggers picked up a jar full of spiders, worms and a wide assortment of insects.
He removed the lid and showed the wonderful contents to the scoffing visitors.

Then he said quietly and confidently, "Even if we don't dig all the way through the earth, look what we found along the way!"

Their goal was far too ambitious, but it did cause them to dig.


IT CONTINUES...

Years ago there was a village in a desert.
Water was scarce, and the people treasured what little they had. It seldom rained, but when it did, people scurried about to capture it in buckets and pots. Every drop was a treasure. Every cup was precious.

For that reason the discovery in the cavern was thrilling news.

One day a farmer was digging holes for fence posts. A few feet below the surface of the ground he found a cavern- not large, but full of water. He immediately lowered a bucket, pulled it out, and tasted, to his delight, cold, sweet water. He was so excited he filled all his buckets, loaded them in the back of his wagon, and hurried into the village.

"I have water! I have water!" he shouted.

The villagers came running out of their houses. As the people gathered, the farmer explained how he had come upon the treasure. He joyfully announced that there was enough for everyone.
"Drink all you want," he offered. And then, to the people's amazement, he picked up a bucket and doused a little boy.
"There is plenty!" he proclaimed. "Enjoy it."

And with that the people began to laugh and splash each other. For the first time as long as anyone could remember, there was enough water for everyone. After the celebration, the farmer announced his plan.

"I'll bring some water in every morning so each of you can have what you need." And that's exactly what he did.

The farmer became the watermaster.



It continues...