AE: ANECDOTES WITH INTENTION

When not deciding is already a bad decision...

"Sometimes I dream of a tree
and the tree was my life
one branch is the man I should marry
and the leaves, my children
Another branch is my future as a writer
and each leaf a poem.
Another branch is a gladdening
academic career
but while I am trying to choose
the leaves begin to turn brown
and blow away
until the tree is absolutely bare..."
(Sylvia Plath)

Culled from Anecdonet

Letter from Heaven


To my dearest family some things I'd like to say


But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay

I'm writing this from Heaven Here I dwell with God above

Here, there's no more tears of sadness Here is just eternal love


Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight

Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night


That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through God picked me up and hugged me and He said

"I welcome you It's good to have you back again you were missed while you were gone

As for your dearest family

They'll be here later on I need you here badly you're part of my plan

There's so much that we have to do to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things that He wished for me to do

And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you

And when you lie in bed at night the day's chores put to flight God and I are closest to you.... in the middle of the night

When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years

Because you are only human they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers unless there was some rain I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned If I were to tell you you wouldn't understand

But one thing is for certain though my life on earth is over I'm closer to you now than I ever was before
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
But together we can do it by taking one day at a time It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too
That as you give unto the world the world will give to you If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain
Then you can say to God at night ......

"My day was not in vain."

And now I am contented.... that my life was worthwhile Knowing as I passed along the way I made somebody smile

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low Just lend a hand to pick him up as on your way you go

When you're walking down the street and you've got me on your mind I'm walking in your footsteps only a half a step behind And when it's time for you to go ....from that body to be free

Remember you're not going..... you're coming here to me.


Extracted from Anecdonet

A PIECE OF ADVICE


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

As they talked they were constantly interupted by people describing their health problems and asking the doctor for medical advice.

After an hour of this the doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

The lawyer replied, "I give them the advice, and then the next day I send them a bill for the advice. They pay the bill, and never ask me for advice outside the office again."

The doctor was shocked but decided to try it.

The next day while the doctor was preparing the new bills the postman pushed a letter through his letterbox.

The doctor opened the envelope and inside found a bill from the lawyer.

Source: Anecdonet

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love, Alison Dear GOD,
Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
-Anita Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
-Norma Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane Dear GOD,
Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
-Neil Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
-Jane Dear GOD,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother.
-Darla Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
-Joyce Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
Your friend -- (But I am not going to tell you who I am) Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday?
I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
-Tom L. Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
-Bruce Dear GOD,
If we come back as something - please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
-Denise Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set.
-Raphael Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
-Danny Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
-Larry Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
-Sam Dear GOD,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways.
-Dean Dear GOD,
I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions.
-Ruth M. Dear GOD,
I think about You sometimes even when I'm not praying.
-Elliott Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
-Nan Dear GOD,
Of all the people who work for You I like Noah and David the best.
-Rob Dear GOD,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. They're just kidding, aren't they?
-Marsha Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
-Mickey D. Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
Love, Chris Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
-Sincerely, Donna Dear GOD:
The bad people laughed at Noah - "You made an ark on dry land you fool." But he was smart, he stuck with You. That's what I would do.
-Eddie Dear GOD,
I do not think anybody could be a better GOD. Well, I just want You to know but I am not just saying that because You are GOD already.
-Charles Dear GOD,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool!
-Eugene

Source: Anecdonet

Pride by comparison

Big, Bigger, Biggest

There are still a few of the old mansions on the North Shore of Long Island outside of New York City that were the stuff of F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby.

Although we certainly do not have one, we know a couple of the old families that do.

In fact, the patriarch of one such family (let's just call him Mr. Smith) is the godfather of my six-year old daughter.

He and his wife live in an elegant old brick mansion which my daughter has visited on a number of occasions.

Recently, my daughter and I paid a visit to a different woman (let's call her Mrs. Jones, who is at least 70 years of age) who lives in a beautiful mansion as well.

My daughter looked around in amazement and said to the woman "Wow, your house is bigger than the Smiths!'

Mrs. Jones quickly snapped back "Well I should hope so", proving once again that even the filthy rich have their competitive sides.

New York, NY


Anecdonet

Practicing each ones religion.


Why Go To Church

A churchgoer wrote a letter to the editor of the newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to church every Sunday.

I've gone for 30 years now," he wrote, "and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons.

But for the life of me I can't remember a single one of them.

So I think I'm wasting my time and the pastors are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all."

This started a real controversy in the "Letters to the Editor" column, much to the delight of the editor.

It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

"I've been married for 30 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals. But I do know this: They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work.

If my wife had not given me those meals, I would be physically dead today. Likewise, if I had not gone to church for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!"
When you are DOWN to nothing . . .

God is UP to something!






Anecdonet: WHY TO GO TO CHURCH

Side by Side

They lie on the Table side by side

The Holy Bible and the TV guide

One is well worn and cherished with pride No not the Bible, but the TV guide.

As the pages are turned, what shall they see.

Oh, What does it matter turn on the TV So they open the book in which they confide

No not the Bible the TV guide.

The word of God is seldom read. Maybe a verse before they fall into bed.

Exhausted and sleept and tired as can be. Not from reading the Bible, from watching T.V.

So then back to the table side by side,

Lie the Holy Bible and the T.V. guide.

No time for prayer, no time for the word.

The plan of salvation is seldom heard.

But forgiveness of sin, so full and free, Is found in the Bible, not on the T.V.


Anecdonet